Alright I am now one month in, going from LA to SF. I have tried a lot of food and even been on my fair share of dates. I mentioned in the “About” section that my hope for this site was that it compared the differences in dating and dining in these two coastal Californian cities. I have had a ton of thoughts on how to start this site but the other day I read an article that did it all for me. It was from the fine folks at Chow that wrote a post entitled, San Francisco has a lot to learn from Los Angeles. Since I have covered the LA food/restaurant scene for the last year and a half, my interest was peaked. There were definitely points made that I have thought about for a long time: LA is best at the low-end and ethnic. SF is nuts about organic, sustainable, local, and more. I have not ordered one to-go item that has not come in recyclable take out boxes, and forget about ever seeing a plastic bag again. Perhaps the most interesting line was about Bazaar, which is one of my LA favorite high-end restaurants:
Would the Zen-like Daniel Patterson, of SF’s COI, ever serve something as campy as a miniature flowerpot full of tiny radishes and coffee-cardamom “soil”? And the SF population would probably boycott a restaurant with as much glittery flash as José Andrés’s Bazaar before they even gave it a chance. LA to SF: Loosen up.
The argument can go back and forth and apparently this article made waves in SF where Grub Street San Francisco threatened the “you’re dead to us” line and accused them of throwing SF under the bus. As a new resident I must say that service up here is a million times better at every restaurant. The drinks are way cheaper. There is less “authentic” ethnic food but the quality of ingredients used by all and the general mid range food is far better and cheaper in SF than LA. The reason I liked the Bazaar example so much was that is resonated with not giving something a chance based on your own stereotypes. For instance, the over-the-top decor and food at Bazaar that someone in SF would be too judgmental to try. This is fascinating to me because in most other regards it is LA that needs to loosen up like SF. Take for example dating.
My half sister, who has spent the last ten years or so in the Bay Area, and I had lunch as soon as I moved here. She happens to be a lesbian and was the first person to shoot me straight in terms of dating in SF. She explained to me that everyone in SF is sleeping with everyone else, no one is “straight” and that everyone is here because SF is known around the world as the most sexually open place. I smiled and nodded and held back judgement while asking, “What about a nice Jewish man who works in the financial district?” Without skipping a beat she said, “I can guarantee you that they are into S & M and I know people who whip them.” I get that this is a huge generalization but when I went on a museum date with an artist who lives in Oakland the other day, he did confirm many of these things. He explained that most people in SF feel a sense of entitlement so they won’t settle down with anyone but they are always down for open communication and sex. You may get the latter in LA but rarely will you get the former. Regarding the straight thing he said, “I mean, yeah, I have definitely made out with guys. They are sexy. Women are sexy. I am really into taking erotic pictures, it combines all my favorite thing.” The thing was that this guy wasn’t creepy at all, he was hot, smart, and there was strong intensity and attraction. If I wasn’t so judgmental and less in my head something could have happened. He made it extremely clear that he was down for that. He said that he worried that he would frustrate me too much. I agreed and said we are too different but perhaps we can grab a drink when I am in Oakland. I believe that I value directness (with honesty) more than anything and this guy was giving me that. Yet it was all too much for me and I couldn’t give it a chance. He walked me to my car, I am still too LA and can’t quite surrender to public transportation. He had a cigarette in one hand grabbed my hair with the other and kissed me. It was exciting and I, a life long non-smoker, was happy to smell of smoke. We said goodbye. I wasn’t sad and I wasn’t excited. I had only known him for three hours and my over thinking, judgmental, neurotic brain could only think about how many women and guys this guy was with and I stopped the momentum.
My best friend d’Auria and I debriefed the date later that night. And upon comparing dating notes on the most popular SF dating website with our demographic we realized that we were both hearing from all the same people. My LA, or general, inclination was to be mad or jealous in some way. However, I see so clearly now how foolish that is. My friend and I are around the same age, are both the same type, and so naturally we should attract the same kind of men. It is strange, I guess, but they are open and honest as can be. When someone says that they like voluptuous brunettes then I should not be surprised when they seek out my friend that fits the same mold. One guy who wrote to me, while I was with d’Auria, she knew right away and said, “Oh, he would love you” Perhaps the Bay Area is just better about sharing and loosening up in these regards. I am learning. I have heard this statement twice since living here: “His boyfriend with female anatomy.” I have also seen so many men in drag that my surprise is dissipating and I know on some level that I am loosening up.
Of course, not every person in San Francisco is as Alice Waters stern about food, restaurants, and the cooking process nor is everyone in LA uptight about dating/sex, but clearly there is some loosening up that must be done on dating and dining. It’s funny I am not a prude, nor am I conservative or sheltered ( I used to babysit Susie Bright’s daughter) but I will admit I need to loosen up. While I may be very clear and okay with gay and straight and understand Kinsey’s spectrum logically it still made me cringe a bit when my date said he kissed guys. The same way that I am sure an SF diner may cringe at the excess in LA or the $20 screwdriver at Bazaar made with nitrogen. The truth is that both extremes have something to offer and I believe it would benefit people of LA and SF to loosen up about dating and dining. They are, after all, life’s greatest pleasures and they are supposed to be fun and experimental!
For more on my SF dining adventures check out my restaurant blog Mission Fruition and stay tuned for more of my dating adventures here on LA to SF
